Acceptance: The Things You Cannot Change

This was a really difficult post for me to write, and an even harder one to publish. I’ve been wanting to share with you some things going on with me personally health-wise, but not only is it hard to open up and to share vulnerabilities, it’s even more difficult when you are right in the thick of things. It’s also super hard when you’ve worked so hard on a healthy lifestyle and are going through some major health issues. BUT I always try to be real with all of you and this community we have built together, so it didn’t feel right not to open up about it.

So here we go…

I started Lexi’s Clean Kitchen in 2013 to share recipes, to share my journey of how clean eating and real food changed my life, my gut health, and issues I was dealing with then. Eating clean and living a healthy lifestyle is something we have control over, it is amazing, it’s powerful, but it’s certainly not the end-all-be-all of optimal health, and there are certainly things in our life that we simply cannot control.

I thought, if I can’t offer a solution, like I did with healing my gut issues, then I shouldn’t open up and share. But then I thought, I certainly don’t want others to be under the impression that if they simply eat clean, that everything will magically be perfect and healed. That was certainly not the message I wanted you to get from me.

It’s vulnerable opening up to the world, let alone dealing with it privately as well.  But with the recent passing of iconic Anthony Bourdain and Kate Spade, it’s apparent more than ever, that nobody is untouched, nobody is perfect, that having it all doesn’t mean you have it all together, and that we all have our shit.

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Many of you that follow me know some of the things that I have going on that I have talked about publicly for a while now. I have Candida overgrowth, the MTHFR gene mutation, some heavy metal issues, and a few other things, but recently was diagnosed with Lyme Disease along with discovering that I have a hereditary, genetic disorder that is effecting my physical movements and that can potentially progress (I will share more on this one day when I’m ready), but for example, I can no longer wear heels (and if you know me, you know I love my heels!), and sometimes walk a little funny. It’s been a really hard number of months dealing with everything emotionally, but I am finally ready to share this glimpse of it with you. I need to change my language of how I am talking about it, connect with my inner-self, and find peace with it all. Honestly? I currently have a big sense of embarrassment around it but even though it is now a part of me, I am not going to let this define who I am

I am someone who has always protected myself by avoiding things that were going on in my life. I am good at putting on a happy smile and a la-de-da vibe, and carrying on. I needed that protector at points in my life and am grateful for it, but now that I can’t ignore and avoid certain things going on in my body and my mind, my emotions have been all over the place. It’s like dealing with everything I’ve suppressed for all of these years, on top of all the new found things happening. It’s been really, really hard.

Why am I sharing all this?

For starters, I want you to know you are not alone in whatever you are dealing with. We are all dealing with things, despite the perfect image social media might project. I want you to be able to give yourself compassion, to take things day-by-day, and of course I want you to know I am human too and that I am certainly not perfect. I think that sometimes being vulnerable and sharing/helping others can lead to personal acceptance. Another part of why I am sharing.

See, that’s been hard for me. I care what people think (ugh, why do we as humans spend so much time on this?), I don’t want people to see me as less than or not capable. But the thing is, I am capable. I am strong. I am enough. I am still the same Lexi. Regardless of what I have going on. This is even still hard for me to process. Yes, I may have issues setting me back, but it’s so in my head and me giving it all the power in the world (which I have been), and giving it so much of my thoughts, is not healthy. 

See you go through stages when something major happens to you or you are going through something major. You go through denial, then grief (in this case for me the loss of some freedom, the unknown of the future), and then hopefully and ultimately acceptance and coping. This is the part I’m working on.

Though not super religious, this Serenity Prayer really resonates with me.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

It feels good to have answers to what has been going on, but it’s also scary and hard with so many unknowns. My therapist months ago said to me that I need to take things one day at a time, since I was/am constantly worrying, predicting the future, and ultimately driving myself crazy. Literally, such a simple line has really changed my perspective. I am taking each day as it comes, being grateful for all I have, loving the life I have built, and will conquer what continues to get thrown at me.

So what am I doing now?

  • I’m going to therapy (it’s amazing and I recommend it to everyone).
  • I’m working with my doctors and functional medicine doctors who I trust.
  • I am working on opening up my detox pathways through supplementation, epsom salt baths, using the infrared sauna, and more.
  • I am dealing with the lyme in the way my doctors and I have decided is the best course of action for me (Friendly Note: I am not a doctor, so please talk to yours for the best course of action for you).
  • I am working on finding peace and acceptance with the unknown of my genetic disorder.
  • I am going to really find my meditation practice, doing light exercise daily, and living a less stressful lifestyle.
  • I am focusing on getting enough sleep.
  • I am getting rid of toxic relationships that don’t serve me, and that don’t lift me up.
  • I am going to try some alternative things like acupuncture, cryotherapy, and energy healing.
  • I have been and am continuing to make my environment safer and less toxic. More on that in this post
  • Keeping up with my clean diet is a major part of the path to healing, so this has and will continue to be a major focus for me.
  • And ultimately living and enjoying my life that I love, having some balance, and taking the hard parts day by day.

My Takeaway:

I truly believe in the power of food.  I believe that food brings us together, that food can heal, that food can create a sense of tradition and culture, and that food can be a catalyst for living a full, energized life. I really believe that eating real, whole foods has not only changed my life back in 2013, but has helped me MAJORLY manage the things I have going on right now. But ALSO know that there are things it won’t cure and fix. There’s never a magic pill, but also know that it is one of the things, along with managing stress, getting quality sleep, switching to safer products, listening to our bodies, and so on — that we do and can have control over. Simply, we do our best. We control the things we can, and we manage what we cannot.

Lexi’s Clean Kitchen is mostly filled with nourishing recipes, but there are also tips for living a healthy lifestyle, travel guides, lifestyle posts, safer beauty and skincare, and so much more. I wanted to share all of this, though I know some people may say to ‘stick to posting food’, because I have been isolating myself and holding it in, rather than stepping up and embracing it and embracing the love around me, and that includes all of you. I feel grateful for my supportive family and friends who are there when I just want to cry, listen when I want to talk, and are just there to be there when they know I just need to NOT talk about it all. This community has become my home, I have and always will treat you all as my second family, and I am so grateful that we can go through life hardships together, pulling each other up, inspiring one another, and bringing positive energy to the hard times in life. 

“When you deny the story, it owns you. When you own the story, you get to write the ending.” — Brene Brown

So my friends, let’s write the ending to our stories 🙂 If you are struggling, you are not alone. Have compassion for others and yourself and let it fill your heart, ask others how they are doing, and even harder, ask for help if you need it. Be conscious of things you say that may effect someone, and just always, always be kind. And please know you are not alone in whatever you may be dealing with, no matter how big or small. It does not define who you are.


Disclaimers: 1. I am not a doctor, so I am not fully sharing when you ask me what I supplements I’m taking, what my protocol is for lyme, detox, and so on. Our situations and bodies are all so different and taking things without knowing what’s going on in your body can be reckless. I encourage you to seek out medical professionals, healers, functional medicine doctors, and more, who you trust.

2. This post was really hard for me to share, so please, please keep the comment section kind. While I know your opinions and suggestions for certain things (like the lyme), is because you truly care, it can be extremely overwhelming to get an influx of opinions and recommendations of things to test for, try, and ultimately worry about. Know that I say this with all the love in my heart, but when I need a recommendation and opinions, I will 100% ask you for it. It’s all new and something I am going through currently. I don’t have all the answers, but I am working hard on healing myself physically and emotionally, gaining acceptance, and am working with good people that I trust, so I just ask you to respect that. 


I will certainly keep you all posted on this health journey. Love you all and truly, truly grateful for you and your support. And thank you for read this essay (haha)!

Your friend,

Lexi

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82 comments on “Acceptance: The Things You Cannot Change

  • Dear Lexi, thank you for sharing. I feel certain that with your attitude and the love and support you have around you, you will thrive. I certainly understand some of what you were feeling as I just had my one year cancer survivor anniversary. I have also been through a multi year experience I feel certain that with your attitude and the love and support you have around you, you will thrive. I certainly understand some of what you were feeling as I just had my one year cancer survivor anniversary. I have also been through a multi year experience of Lyme with my daughter. I recently saw this quote which I am really trying to live by. Worrying does not take away tomorrow’s troubles. It takes away today’s happiness. Sending hugs and I thank you for everything you do. Take good care of yourself !

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  • Lexi girl, I feel you. After almost a year of enduring mystery symptoms I too was diagnosed with Lyme a couple months ago. Luckily, I finally found a naturopath that has helped, along with doing ubi ozone therapy has helped greatly too. My brain fog is gone and feel like myself again. Still on the journey of healing but I know we’ll both get there. Love to you and love your blog. ❤️

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  • Amazing post! Living in a world where we often broadcast only the great things going on in our lives (clean houses, amazing vacations, perfect family photos), it is rare to have people post struggles, concerns, trials and obstacles for all to see. Thank you for being real and authentic. Difficult as it was I am certain that your transparency will benefit many, a lot of which you will never know. I, too, struggled with Lyme and had a very difficult time sharing my journey with others. It’s hard for others to understand the disease and it seems to change and morph daily, I often felt like people wouldn’t believe me. The few times I did share and open up brought forth wonderful people and others who were struggling with the same horrible condition and those that were just a gentle listening ear. I am grateful for your openness and vulnerability. I will be praying for you on this journey!

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    • Thank you so much. I so appreciate you taking the time to write Kianna. Means so much and we are all certainly on this journey together! Sending you lots of love!

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  • This post took me from an Instagram follower to a blog reader. Thank you for sharing this.

    I’m in a similar boat with multiple health issues and no clear answers or path to wellness. I understand your frustrations with suggestions and opinions that are meant to be helpful but instead breed further anxiety. For me, it can be hard to stay kind when I’m given advice like that , told to do things I already do or that I know to be harmful to me, or struggle with contradictory opinions. I am still learning to celebrate when things improve and not completely fall to pieces when things take a step backwards.

    Sometimes reading that someone else is dealing with a similar issue and not giving up helps me keep going, too. Sending you my support and gratitude for sharing your life.

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    • Totally agree with you Christine. It’s not that it’s not appreciated and welcome, but can often be overwhelming (especially while in the midst of figuring it all out). I hope you find the answers you are looking for and am confident you will. Sending you lots of love on your journey and know that I am here and you are not alone!

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  • Hi Lexi, I’ve been following you since the very beginning and I don’t remember how I got to your page, but I’ve been cooking your wonderful recipes & reading your blog. I was diagnosed with Ankylosing Spondylitis which is an auto immune illness and I understand your journey completely. I wish you the best outcome and Just remember to keep your head up high and never let anyone or anything get in your way. Sending healing prayers and gentle hugs.

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  • Maryanne Giammarco says:

    You are brave & beautiful in every sense of the word. Perfect is boring & no one gets out of here w/out these crazy challenges. I lost my mom a year ago to a horrible neurological illness & she had done it all right, but still happened. I took care of her through this 8 year battle & what I learned is not to enjoy each day, but each & every tiny moment regardless of how small ! We found joy everywhere even in the face of such tragedy. You have to or it consumes you & we are strong women who didn’t want to miss those moments! It’s okay to cry & get angry , but walk through it & then keep pushing! Love your IG & blog! We love you out here & that smile & what you do brightens our days. Thank you & we are praying for you & sending you love & light! ❤️ Maryanne

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    • Thank you so much for sharing that Maryanne. Brought tears to my eyes ❤ Sending you so much love and so grateful for your words that I really needed to hear.

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  • Thank you for sharing Lexi. I know it must have been challenging to open up about this, but I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for doing so. So many of us are going through things and I really believe we only help each other more by sharing the hard things. Sending you all my love and light. You got this!

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  • Lexi, your post reminds me to count my many blessings. I pray that your sharing brings some peace and renewed strength for the trials you face. I’ve been a casual follower of your recipes, but plan to pay better attention from now on. Have faith and carry on! Hugs

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  • Thank you so much for sharing… You can become so isolated with a chronic condition… I have no visable wounds so everyone assumes I am ok… I am not… You courage to become vulnerable is very much appreciated… It has made me not feel so alone… 🙏

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  • Thank you for opening up with us and sharing your story Lexi. Totally agree with what you said :”We control the things we can, and we manage what we cannot” I too have had a hard long journey. I have POTS, MCAD, Alopecia Areata, Sleep Apnea, Gastroparesis and recently Celiac Disease – which is how I found your page – as I love your gluten free recipes. I was bedridden for the first two years of my long Ten years of being ill, while raising three young children and controlling what I could and managing what I couldn’t, which is what helped me the most – that and my Faith and prayer. Ultimately it was me advocating for myself and not giving up in finding what was happening with my body that lead to each diagnosis. I’ve been now gluten free for 8 months since my diagnosis with Celiac and I have been given my life back. I too go to Therapy and it is very beneficial. Controlling what we put into our bodies is key. I never thought I would be one to be eating “clean” but here I am trying to eat cleaner lol I have lost weight, I have my energy back, I have had to decrease my meds for my other illnesses all by just removing gluten. Thank you again for showing that we are not alone and that “despite the perfect image social media might project.” like you said we are all going thru something. I wish you all the best and I hope that each day you heal more and more and thank you again for the wonderful recipes you share with us. I look forward to trying out your recipes as they are always so delicious and gluten free 😀 By the way, my kids are now young adults and they grew up to be the most sensitive caring individuals because they have seen first hand how hard it is to live with an illness (or a few) and to still find positiveness in what we do have, it is all about perspective!

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  • You are awesome Lexi! I have been a fan of your positive attitude since we met (back at Clough School council ). Wishing you health, happiness and strength!

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  • I applaud your openness. I have a number of autoimmune diseases, but the most challenging one to accept is one that has severely effected my ability to walk. I wear amazing leg braces that have helped ameliorate my limitations. My journey started 21 years ago and while it has been arduous, I have fought hard for a normal life. I’ve raised my daughter, obtained a Master’s degeee in counseling, and have a rewarding career. I’m sharing to let you know that I appreciate you shining a light on your struggles and to let you know that doing so will help you live your fullest life. I’m hoping for the best possible outcome for you!

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  • Thank you for sharing your struggles and your heart , you’re recipes and posts have really helped me with my health problems ! I’ll be praying for you !
    God bless
    Lisa

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  • Hillary Gras says:

    What a truly vulnerable post. I appreciate you sharing this, as I know it was probably very difficult… I hope you feel a weight off of your shoulders. Have you read Brene Brown’s work? She talks about shame and how once we unload it, you can start moving forwards. I don’t mean to infer that this IS something to be ashamed or embarrassed about, but I related it to that.

    You are an inspiration and so incredible. Thank you for including us in your story. Sending you hugs (of the Mom variety).

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  • Lexi, you are incredible. I am so sorry for everything you are dealing with, but your positivity and optimism is amazing. You have helped me so much through my health journey from your blog. You are in my thoughts and prayers- thank you for being an inspiration to all of us and for opening up with what is going on with you. Nobody is perfect, like you said, we all have our shit! Wishing you lots of health and well wishes! Keep going girl, you rock! Xoxoxo

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  • Lexi you are so brave for sharing your story. I’m sure you will help many people by opening up about what you are going through. Sending you love and positive vibes💗

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  • Thank you for sharing your heart. Please know you are being prayed for. Praying for God to give you peace, comfort, strength, and wisdom in the days ahead ♥️

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  • Choo Ching says:

    Hi Lexi, thank you for sharing your struggles and feeling of going through it. Life is truely hard sometimes. Stay strong and take one step at a time.

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  • Lexi, Thank you for sharing. I am 36 and have been living with chronic health issues all my life and 2 years ago I was diagnosed with an auto immune condition called poly Myositsis. I wasn’t diagnosed until I was unable to get off the floor or out of my bathtub on my own. It’s a struggle to be young and look healthy when I am anything but. In addition I have a rare GI condition in which I lost all of my large and small bowel and am unable to absorb anything through My GI system. I am fully dependent on IV nutrition known as TPN. I truly cherish my good days and have worked to try and only do things that bring me joy. I see a therapist, get massages , spend time with family and friends and travel when I can. It sounds like you are handling all of this as best you can. Unfortunately some people just can’t understand what life with chronic illness is like . Thank you for sharing your story. Thinking of you!

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  • Dealing with any kind of chronic illness diagnosis is so, so difficult and I’m thankful you are brave enough to share. You are tough and you will get through all of this! I thought my UC diagnosis would drag me down forever but with time, it got so much easier to deal with. Sending you all the good vibes!!

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  • Lexi!!! Thank you for sharing and being open. You have created a great community here and the book club!!! I love your cookbook and I am trying to eat better!!!
    Your kindness is so awesome!!! I will keep you in my prayers and THANK YOU for sharing so much with us people online. With much appreciation, Denise

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  • Thinking of you and here if you ever need anything 😀 I loved reading your story and am thankful that you opened up about it. I really struggle with that myself sometimes

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  • This is such a timely post for me as my mother has just been diagnosed with cancer that is rapidly spreading through her body at an unbelievable pace. My cousin reminded me to say the serenity prayer each day and to indeed take one day at a time. Thank you for your candid and wonderfully human post – I am fan and found your posts/recipes as I was helping my son who suffers from psoriasis clean up his eating. I wish you health, happiness and peace. Let’s cheer on and support each other as we fight the good fight!

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  • Thanks for sharing and wishing you the best in everything!

    I literally repeat the serenity prayer in my head all the time, it’s definitely a calming vice.

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  • Thank you for sharing. I hope this will make you laugh. When I read, “MTHFR” gene mutation I thought you were being cheeky and using MTHFR as a shortened version of Mother Fu*cker, lol. Like you had a MF of a gene mutation. And then I was like wait, is that a the name of the gene mutation?!?

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  • Thank you for sharing as difficult as it to pit yourself out there understand you are helping others. I have some on going health issues and have found that reflexology and floating (in sensory deprivation tanks) make a huge difference. The float place I go to (Canada) have 850lbs of epsom salts in them and I float for 90 minutes. Their motto is disconnect to reconnect and it is truly accurate. I hope you find what works for you. Sending positive energy

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  • Thank you for Sharing Lexi! I feel like a lot of people portray a perfect life on social media and it can bring up anxiety for me when I feel like “wow why isn’t my life like that”. I totally agree that we all have our shit. I’m sorry you are going through all of this and I wish all the best for you! Thanks for all you do and all the great recipes you share! XOXO

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  • This post couldn’t have come at a better time! I really needed to hear some of that, so thank you! I’m so sorry that your health journey has taken some sudden turns. We’re cheering you on as you navigate your new normal!

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  • Sabrina Snyder says:

    Lexi, you’re amazing and brave for this post and for tackling the health concerns head on. So amazed by you.

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  • Lexi, thank you for being so vulnerable and sharing this hard part of your life with us. You are so right – it’s empowering and reassuring to be reminded of the truth that no one’s life is perfect, and that everyone deals with hard things in life. I will be praying for your healing and peace as you continue on this journey one day at a time! <3

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  • you know I relate to all this and AM HERE for you, to cry vent share whatever. So glad you shared and I adore you friend. YOU ARE DOING GREAT THINGS just by starting conversations. Praying. <3 you!

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  • Sending love and lots of positive thoughts your way! It’s not easy to relinquish control over aspects of your life, and especially over your body itself. (As someone with celiac disease and fibromyalgia, I can totally relate). Thank you for sharing your story <3

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  • Rebecca Sally says:

    I was diagnosed with Lyme disease 5 years ago and was taking Antibiotics and Nonsteroidal anti-Inflammatory drug which seemed to help. However, I still suffer from some of the symptoms. My symptoms have always been chronic fatigue, joint pain, and even neurological problems in controlling hand and leg movements. I am a 54 year old female. the Antibiotics wasn’t really working and I could not tolerate them for long due to severe side effects, so this year our family doctor started me on Natural Herbal Gardens Lyme disease Herbal mixture, We ordered their Lyme disease herbal treatment after reading alot of positive reviews, i am happy to report with the help of Natural Herbal Garden natural herbs I have been able to reverse my symptoms using herbs, my symptoms totally declined over a 8 weeks use of the Natural Herbal Gardens Lyme disease herbal mixture. My Lyme disease is totally reversed! Their official web page is naturalherbalgardens . c o m this is a herbal store that will be leaving it’s footprint in this world. I’m 54 and have never been this healthier

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  • Lexi, you are so courageous!!! Thank you for sharing. Why are humans so judgmental? Why do we immediately compare ourselves with others? Social media doesn’t help. Women are especially vulnerable to judging and being judged. The truth is, nobody can understand another person’s journey in life because we haven’t followed their exact path. We should cheer on our sisters, not cut them down. Everyone needs a “lift” at points in their life. A candle loses nothing by lighting another 🙂
    So thank you for being you and for lifting all of us up with your wonderful recipes and lifestyle tidbits. In me you have gained a Cheerleader! Sending you love and light from PA…

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  • I’m rather speechless. This is brave. You are strong. You can do this. And you are helping us all – no matter our own struggles – to remember we are all in this together. We need to do this together. I’m sending you all the love I can muster. Thank you for sharing this, Lexi.

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  • Jennyquack says:

    One thing comes to mind when I read this: we ALL have our crap to deal with, I mean,everybody! And we could all work on having compassion, especially for ourselves. None of us can know what someone else is going through. I live with chronic pain. It’s tiring but I try to ‘just keep swimming’ . And I try to remember to be grateful for what I CAN do. When things get hard, ask for help. Hardly anyone will say no and will likely be honored you did ask. Peace to your soul, Lexie! Thanks for all the joy and yumminess…I have learned so much from you!

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  • On the very slight chance that you’ve never looked into this before, check Medical Medium out. Lots of his readers come back from similar challenges by following his protocols. Best wishes.

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  • I am so proud to be someone who admires you. You are a true gem and thank you so much for letting us in. This is so beautiful, and I felt so honored reading this and will always keep you in my prayers. Thank you for showing us how humanity should work. No matter what you are going through, you are still choosing to help others. You are wonderful my dear.

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  • Hi there! I stumbled on your blog looking for some recipes and ended up reading this post. Check out Advanced Cell Training. Based on what you’ve written above, I really think you’d like to check into them and their natural healing style. 🙂
    And no, I don’t work for them. I just know a few people who have been through the program (two with lyme), and they have had great results!!! You can do it from the comfort of your home. AND, it’s affordable!! I’m actually considering going through the program myself for some issues I have going on.
    Now, back to your recipes. Good luck and hang in there!!!

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  • Lexi,

    I am so sorry to hear that you’re going through all of this. And you’re right. We all have our own shit going on, and a lot of us tend to keep it in because we only want others to see the best sides of us, and not the shit that isn’t pristine. I can say that I fall into that category myself. The past year has been extremely difficult, and has taken a toll on my mental and emotional health. With new physical issues cropping up right now (which I don’t yet know the full extent of), I feel like I’ve been set back to square one. And that makes what progress I felt I was making null and void. It’s so hard to know that you’re trying to do everything right but your body seems to have other ideas. Have I really talked to anyone about it? No. Should I? Absolutely. But that’s hard to do when you’re not sure who to turn to (even though you know everyone is rooting for you, and is there to support you).

    Please know that you are loved and we are all hoping (and know) that you will pull through this stronger on the other side.

    Amy

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  • Such an inspiring post! You are doing so great, Lexi. Everyone has their own problems and I also love this quotation, We are what we believe. Thus, no matter what problems we are facing with, I believe there are always solutions for us.
    Best wishes for you, Lexi 🙂
    – Natalie Ellis

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  • Though seldom heard, the second part of the Serenity Prayer(written by Reinhold Niebuhr , 1892-1971) is beautiful and powerful, too:

    Living one day at a time;
    enjoying one moment at a time;
    accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
    taking, as He did, this sinful world
    as it is, not as I would have it;
    trusting that He will make all things right
    if I surrender to His Will;
    that I may be reasonably happy in this life
    and supremely happy with Him
    forever in the next.
    Amen.

    Prayers for you on your journey to better health.

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  • Lexi!!! You are wonderful, brave, strong and amazing! Thanks for sharing! Sending good vibes and prayers out!

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  • I know this was not easy for you to talk about, but I’m glad you did. It’s when we silence ourselves that we deny others their relief, our voices allow others to use their voices so that all will see they are not alone in their struggles. Thank you Lexi

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  • Amy Margolis says:

    Saying a prayer for your complete healing and sending you pure white healing light. Our bodies believe EVERY word we tell it so tell yours that it has the power to heal itself while you continue to go to the holistic experts. XO

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