Acceptance: The Things You Cannot Change

This was a really difficult post for me to write, and an even harder one to publish. I’ve been wanting to share with you some things going on with me personally health-wise, but not only is it hard to open up and to share vulnerabilities, it’s even more difficult when you are right in the thick of things. It’s also super hard when you’ve worked so hard on a healthy lifestyle and are going through some major health issues. BUT I always try to be real with all of you and this community we have built together, so it didn’t feel right not to open up about it.

So here we go…

I started Lexi’s Clean Kitchen in 2013 to share recipes, to share my journey of how clean eating and real food changed my life, my gut health, and issues I was dealing with then. Eating clean and living a healthy lifestyle is something we have control over, it is amazing, it’s powerful, but it’s certainly not the end-all-be-all of optimal health, and there are certainly things in our life that we simply cannot control.

I thought, if I can’t offer a solution, like I did with healing my gut issues, then I shouldn’t open up and share. But then I thought, I certainly don’t want others to be under the impression that if they simply eat clean, that everything will magically be perfect and healed. That was certainly not the message I wanted you to get from me.

It’s vulnerable opening up to the world, let alone dealing with it privately as well.  But with the recent passing of iconic Anthony Bourdain and Kate Spade, it’s apparent more than ever, that nobody is untouched, nobody is perfect, that having it all doesn’t mean you have it all together, and that we all have our shit.

Many of you that follow me know some of the things that I have going on that I have talked about publicly for a while now. I have Candida overgrowth, the MTHFR gene mutation, some heavy metal issues, and a few other things, but recently was diagnosed with Lyme Disease along with discovering that I have a hereditary, genetic disorder that is effecting my physical movements and that can potentially progress (I will share more on this one day when I’m ready), but for example, I can no longer wear heels (and if you know me, you know I love my heels!), and sometimes walk a little funny. It’s been a really hard number of months dealing with everything emotionally, but I am finally ready to share this glimpse of it with you. I need to change my language of how I am talking about it, connect with my inner-self, and find peace with it all. Honestly? I currently have a big sense of embarrassment around it but even though it is now a part of me, I am not going to let this define who I am.

I am someone who has always protected myself by avoiding things that were going on in my life. I am good at putting on a happy smile and a la-de-da vibe, and carrying on. I needed that protector at points in my life and am grateful for it, but now that I can’t ignore and avoid certain things going on in my body and my mind, my emotions have been all over the place. It’s like dealing with everything I’ve suppressed for all of these years, on top of all the new found things happening. It’s been really, really hard.

Why am I sharing all this?

For starters, I want you to know you are not alone in whatever you are dealing with. We are all dealing with things, despite the perfect image social media might project. I want you to be able to give yourself compassion, to take things day-by-day, and of course I want you to know I am human too and that I am certainly not perfect. I think that sometimes being vulnerable and sharing/helping others can lead to personal acceptance. Another part of why I am sharing.

See, that’s been hard for me. I care what people think (ugh, why do we as humans spend so much time on this?), I don’t want people to see me as less than or not capable. But the thing is, I am capable. I am strong. I am enough. I am still the same Lexi. Regardless of what I have going on. This is even still hard for me to process. Yes, I may have issues setting me back, but it’s so in my head and me giving it all the power in the world (which I have been), and giving it so much of my thoughts, is not healthy.

See you go through stages when something major happens to you or you are going through something major. You go through denial, then grief (in this case for me the loss of some freedom, the unknown of the future), and then hopefully and ultimately acceptance and coping. This is the part I’m working on.

Though not super religious, this Serenity Prayer really resonates with me.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

It feels good to have answers to what has been going on, but it’s also scary and hard with so many unknowns. My therapist months ago said to me that I need to take things one day at a time, since I was/am constantly worrying, predicting the future, and ultimately driving myself crazy. Literally, such a simple line has really changed my perspective. I am taking each day as it comes, being grateful for all I have, loving the life I have built, and will conquer what continues to get thrown at me.

So what am I doing now?

  • I’m going to therapy (it’s amazing and I recommend it to everyone).
  • I’m working with my doctors and functional medicine doctors who I trust.
  • I am working on opening up my detox pathways through supplementation, epsom salt baths, using the infrared sauna, and more.
  • I am dealing with the lyme in the way my doctors and I have decided is the best course of action for me (Friendly Note: I am not a doctor, so please talk to yours for the best course of action for you).
  • I am working on finding peace and acceptance with the unknown of my genetic disorder.
  • I am going to really find my meditation practice, doing light exercise daily, and living a less stressful lifestyle.
  • I am focusing on getting enough sleep.
  • I am getting rid of toxic relationships that don’t serve me, and that don’t lift me up.
  • I am going to try some alternative things like acupuncture, cryotherapy, and energy healing.
  • I have been and am continuing to make my environment safer and less toxic. More on that in this post.
  • Keeping up with my clean diet is a major part of the path to healing, so this has and will continue to be a major focus for me.
  • And ultimately living and enjoying my life that I love, having some balance, and taking the hard parts day by day.

My Takeaway:

I truly believe in the power of food.  I believe that food brings us together, that food can heal, that food can create a sense of tradition and culture, and that food can be a catalyst for living a full, energized life. I really believe that eating real, whole foods has not only changed my life back in 2013, but has helped me MAJORLY manage the things I have going on right now. But ALSO know that there are things it won’t cure and fix. There’s never a magic pill, but also know that it is one of the things, along with managing stress, getting quality sleep, switching to safer products, listening to our bodies, and so on — that we do and can have control over. Simply, we do our best. We control the things we can, and we manage what we cannot.

Lexi’s Clean Kitchen is mostly filled with nourishing recipes, but there are also tips for living a healthy lifestyle, travel guides, lifestyle posts, safer beauty and skincare, and so much more. I wanted to share all of this, though I know some people may say to ‘stick to posting food’, because I have been isolating myself and holding it in, rather than stepping up and embracing it and embracing the love around me, and that includes all of you. I feel grateful for my supportive family and friends who are there when I just want to cry, listen when I want to talk, and are just there to be there when they know I just need to NOT talk about it all. This community has become my home, I have and always will treat you all as my second family, and I am so grateful that we can go through life hardships together, pulling each other up, inspiring one another, and bringing positive energy to the hard times in life.

“When you deny the story, it owns you. When you own the story, you get to write the ending.” — Brene Brown

So my friends, let’s write the ending to our stories 🙂 If you are struggling, you are not alone. Have compassion for others and yourself and let it fill your heart, ask others how they are doing, and even harder, ask for help if you need it. Be conscious of things you say that may effect someone, and just always, always be kind. And please know you are not alone in whatever you may be dealing with, no matter how big or small. It does not define who you are.


Disclaimers: 1. I am not a doctor, so I am not fully sharing when you ask me what I supplements I’m taking, what my protocol is for lyme, detox, and so on. Our situations and bodies are all so different and taking things without knowing what’s going on in your body can be reckless. I encourage you to seek out medical professionals, healers, functional medicine doctors, and more, who you trust.

2. This post was really hard for me to share, so please, please keep the comment section kind. While I know your opinions and suggestions for certain things (like the lyme), is because you truly care, it can be extremely overwhelming to get an influx of opinions and recommendations of things to test for, try, and ultimately worry about. Know that I say this with all the love in my heart, but when I need a recommendation and opinions, I will 100% ask you for it. It’s all new and something I am going through currently. I don’t have all the answers, but I am working hard on healing myself physically and emotionally, gaining acceptance, and am working with good people that I trust, so I just ask you to respect that.


I will certainly keep you all posted on this health journey. Love you all and truly, truly grateful for you and your support. And thank you for read this essay (haha)!

Your friend,

Lexi

87 comments
June 15, 2018

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87 Responses

  1. Finally read this. I hope you are feeling better. You too, are not alone. My brother and his kids have Lyme as well. Definately fare better with. Lower carb diet they’ve found. I wish you the very best. You don’t need to co cern yourself with being judged by this community. We all love you!!!! Be kind to yourself.

  2. I’d love to hear more about your journey with Lyme disease. I was diagnosed with Lyme a few months before you were. We’ve also found that I have MCAS as well. Diet plays a huge role in MCAS. I hope you are finding success in your treatments!

    1. I worked with my doctor and did a combination of antibiotics, IV treatments, and of course always diet. All seems good. Good luck to you!!

  3. Thank you for writing upon this. Somehow by the grace of God, I stumbled upon this today by chance and I am dealing with the exact same things after years of promoting a healthy lifestyle to others. I felt so alone but know some things I need to change. Your post has pushed me over the edge to be able to do so. It’s hard with all the mixed messages we receive from the world about health, food, and nutrition, but if we listen to our guts, they won’t lead us the wrong way. Thank you for reminding me of that and opening up about your struggles. Your blog has always been such a wonderful outlet for readers and you have a genuine spirit that is very rare. Don’t ever feel like you can’t speak your truth, it makes you a more beautiful person and a more relatable person online. You truly don’t know how much I appreciate you sharing this!! Sending love your way and all my prayers!

  4. Saying a prayer for your complete healing and sending you pure white healing light. Our bodies believe EVERY word we tell it so tell yours that it has the power to heal itself while you continue to go to the holistic experts. XO

  5. I know this was not easy for you to talk about, but I’m glad you did. It’s when we silence ourselves that we deny others their relief, our voices allow others to use their voices so that all will see they are not alone in their struggles. Thank you Lexi

  6. Lexi!!! You are wonderful, brave, strong and amazing! Thanks for sharing! Sending good vibes and prayers out!

  7. Thank you for being open minded and frank. Truly speaking there are many things that we do and harm ourselves from what we consume and the like.

  8. Though seldom heard, the second part of the Serenity Prayer(written by Reinhold Niebuhr , 1892-1971) is beautiful and powerful, too:

    Living one day at a time;
    enjoying one moment at a time;
    accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
    taking, as He did, this sinful world
    as it is, not as I would have it;
    trusting that He will make all things right
    if I surrender to His Will;
    that I may be reasonably happy in this life
    and supremely happy with Him
    forever in the next.
    Amen.

    Prayers for you on your journey to better health.

  9. Such an inspiring post! You are doing so great, Lexi. Everyone has their own problems and I also love this quotation, We are what we believe. Thus, no matter what problems we are facing with, I believe there are always solutions for us.
    Best wishes for you, Lexi 🙂
    – Natalie Ellis

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  10. Lexi,

    I am so sorry to hear that you’re going through all of this. And you’re right. We all have our own shit going on, and a lot of us tend to keep it in because we only want others to see the best sides of us, and not the shit that isn’t pristine. I can say that I fall into that category myself. The past year has been extremely difficult, and has taken a toll on my mental and emotional health. With new physical issues cropping up right now (which I don’t yet know the full extent of), I feel like I’ve been set back to square one. And that makes what progress I felt I was making null and void. It’s so hard to know that you’re trying to do everything right but your body seems to have other ideas. Have I really talked to anyone about it? No. Should I? Absolutely. But that’s hard to do when you’re not sure who to turn to (even though you know everyone is rooting for you, and is there to support you).

    Please know that you are loved and we are all hoping (and know) that you will pull through this stronger on the other side.

    Amy

  11. Hi there! I stumbled on your blog looking for some recipes and ended up reading this post. Check out Advanced Cell Training. Based on what you’ve written above, I really think you’d like to check into them and their natural healing style. 🙂
    And no, I don’t work for them. I just know a few people who have been through the program (two with lyme), and they have had great results!!! You can do it from the comfort of your home. AND, it’s affordable!! I’m actually considering going through the program myself for some issues I have going on.
    Now, back to your recipes. Good luck and hang in there!!!

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  12. I am so proud to be someone who admires you. You are a true gem and thank you so much for letting us in. This is so beautiful, and I felt so honored reading this and will always keep you in my prayers. Thank you for showing us how humanity should work. No matter what you are going through, you are still choosing to help others. You are wonderful my dear.

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  13. On the very slight chance that you’ve never looked into this before, check Medical Medium out. Lots of his readers come back from similar challenges by following his protocols. Best wishes.

  14. One thing comes to mind when I read this: we ALL have our crap to deal with, I mean,everybody! And we could all work on having compassion, especially for ourselves. None of us can know what someone else is going through. I live with chronic pain. It’s tiring but I try to ‘just keep swimming’ . And I try to remember to be grateful for what I CAN do. When things get hard, ask for help. Hardly anyone will say no and will likely be honored you did ask. Peace to your soul, Lexie! Thanks for all the joy and yumminess…I have learned so much from you!

  15. I’m rather speechless. This is brave. You are strong. You can do this. And you are helping us all – no matter our own struggles – to remember we are all in this together. We need to do this together. I’m sending you all the love I can muster. Thank you for sharing this, Lexi.

  16. Lexi, you are so courageous!!! Thank you for sharing. Why are humans so judgmental? Why do we immediately compare ourselves with others? Social media doesn’t help. Women are especially vulnerable to judging and being judged. The truth is, nobody can understand another person’s journey in life because we haven’t followed their exact path. We should cheer on our sisters, not cut them down. Everyone needs a “lift” at points in their life. A candle loses nothing by lighting another 🙂
    So thank you for being you and for lifting all of us up with your wonderful recipes and lifestyle tidbits. In me you have gained a Cheerleader! Sending you love and light from PA…

  17. I was diagnosed with Lyme disease 5 years ago and was taking Antibiotics and Nonsteroidal anti-Inflammatory drug which seemed to help. However, I still suffer from some of the symptoms. My symptoms have always been chronic fatigue, joint pain, and even neurological problems in controlling hand and leg movements. I am a 54 year old female. the Antibiotics wasn’t really working and I could not tolerate them for long due to severe side effects, so this year our family doctor started me on Natural Herbal Gardens Lyme disease Herbal mixture, We ordered their Lyme disease herbal treatment after reading alot of positive reviews, i am happy to report with the help of Natural Herbal Garden natural herbs I have been able to reverse my symptoms using herbs, my symptoms totally declined over a 8 weeks use of the Natural Herbal Gardens Lyme disease herbal mixture. My Lyme disease is totally reversed! Their official web page is naturalherbalgardens . c o m this is a herbal store that will be leaving it’s footprint in this world. I’m 54 and have never been this healthier

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    1. That is so amazing Rebecca. I am so happy you have found your healing journey. I will definitely check that out. Sending you love.

  18. Sending love and lots of positive thoughts your way! It’s not easy to relinquish control over aspects of your life, and especially over your body itself. (As someone with celiac disease and fibromyalgia, I can totally relate). Thank you for sharing your story <3

  19. you know I relate to all this and AM HERE for you, to cry vent share whatever. So glad you shared and I adore you friend. YOU ARE DOING GREAT THINGS just by starting conversations. Praying. <3 you!

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